I’m a chick. Ignore this if you want.
However, I’m a slut who likes a good hook-up but had years-long monogamous relationships as well. I’m absolutely average looking and have mostly been with men who range from hot as fuck twinks to conventionally unattractive socially anxious weirdos. My last relationship was with an autistic 5’6" guy I met on a dating app, it started as a hook-up and lasted three years.
I look for chill people with passions, who know who they are and what they want. Or, are at least introspective enough to see themselves. Looks aren’t a big factor, but cleanliness and effort are. The single dad angle shot doesn’t do anyone any favors.
Just from looking at your comments, you’re coming in here with a defeatest mindset. People who haven’t had much luck can get trapped in that kind of negativity, it works its way into how they hold themselves and what they say in ways they don’t even realize. I unmatch with people as soon as they bring that into the conversation. Self-deprecating humor is alright, when carefully done, but risky on first impressions. If I’m looking for a fun hook-up, I want someone who looks and sounds fun.
I don’t even get matches so I can’t even have a fun conversation and I’ve swiped over 1000 times wasting my time looking at a screen swiping left and right tirelessly
Lie.
Lie Lie Lie
Lie to what??
Honestly based on your comments in this thread, you ahve some self improvement to do.
Saltiness is never attractive, and boy - you sound salty.Can’t help someone who isn’t willing to change or work on themselves. 😑
The first step is always acknowledging the problem. And in these cases it’s always the “females” fault.
As geberal advice, sexual hedonism and misanthropy don’t mix well. People have to like something about you if they’re going to want to have sex with you.
Now you may find a misanthrope that you vibe with but its a safe assumption that people that like people and are liked by people generally get laid more.
Also Gen Z seems to be less interested and alcohol consumption and casual sex based on most recent studies so that’s probably a factor.
Most people are not interested in casual sex/hookups. Put effort into being someone worth pursuing.
That’s literally what this generation is all about. What are you talking about?
Wait, so you’re part of the generation, your experience is different, and you’re assuming the problem is your looks and not that you’re being lied to?
Lied to about what? Hookup culture is literally what this world is all about now a days
Based on what? Plenty of studies are showing that generation by generation, people are having less sex, and are losing their virginity later. Gen Z particularly so.
Here’s one such study I found with a quick Google search: https://ifstudies.org/in-the-news/adults-are-having-less-sex-than-ever-with-gen-z-seeing-the-steepest-decline-study
Anecdotally:
In the late 00s I started dating an 18 year old and lost my virginity at 16. I’m not saying that to rub it on or anything. My experience was not the norm and I probably would have been better off waiting longer. The important part is that I found out that nearly everyone talking big game was all talk. If you’re actually confident and comfortable in your ability to get sex, it just doesn’t come up outside of private talk between you and your partner very often.
When I got to college I was wrongfully surprised that most of my friends and peers were still virgins. Some of my closer female friends talked to me about being nervous about getting sexual for their first time with their boyfriend (all mutual friends of mine) like a year into their relationship(s).
I talked with people on my floor in the dorms who were partying like 5 nights a week and they weren’t getting any. They didn’t like it when I asked what was so fun about partying, where everyone was getting drunk and trying to hook up, but no one was actually hooking up. It didn’t make sense to me, but that story/situation matched what I was hearing from nearly everyone partying that much.
And before you reiterate that hookup culture is specifically zoomers, Tinder launched while I was in college. Before that there was Craigslist, OKCupid, and a handful of other sites. My college was “known” to be a party school too.
The biggest manwhore of my social circles had a grand total of 6 whole sexual partners in 8 years, and his first was when he was 20. He would have had you believe he had a new girl each month, but I got to know him better than that. Would have been my best man except he moved to fucking Australia, the cunt.
Every manwhore/slut/person who got around I’ve ever talked to has also agreed: hookups normally range from ok to disappointing, rarely if ever great. Sex in long term relationships, where you each care about bringing the other pleasure, and you’ve had time to learn each other, ranges from mindblowing to good, rarely if ever just ok. Getting laid is a shitty goal on it’s own.
And even with how young I lost my virginity, I’ve only ever had two partners. My wife has had three.
So go jerk off, calm down. Try to build yourself into the kind of person the type of girl you want would like.
As far as hookup specific advice? Take good care of yourself, be well groomed, reasonably dressed. Be confident but not a douche. Be interested in her without being desperate. Be fun to simply be around and to interact with. The sort of attitude you want to put out is “I’m doing fun stuff with my life. I’ll enjoy it on my own but I’d love to share it with you.” Trustworthy, confident, caring, interesting, interested in them, but not needy.
You’ve gotta be comfortable and happy with yourself before most people would want to come along for the ride, even for just a night.
Good luck and I hope you find what you need. It might not be what you think you want though.
Mmm, no. Basically everyone in the world thinks everyone else is getting more sex than them.
I hear you, mate. When I was thirteen all my friends were having crazy sex while I could barely get a handy. And if you think that’s wild, my parents generation literally did nothing but drugs and sex all day. My older kids didn’t even consider it a party unless someone was getting spanked or tied up, while my teens must content themselves with sexting everyone their nudes—damned Covid.
There has always been hookup culture, and it has never included you (you being about 90% of readers). This generation is unique in neither aspect.
Well doesn’t it feel great to be left out
It’s good that you’re honest with your feelings. The point being made is that almost everyone is being left out, having normal experiences. The good news is that one day you’ll probably get another normal experience of falling for someone and having a deep connection in addition to sex.
Who is telling you that casual sex is common? Where did they hear it? At its root, it’s mostly sold as a way to prey on male insecurities. Social media literally profits off you being insecure and engaging with a myth that everyone is hooking up but you.
I know. Cried myself to sleep over it when I was younger. Seems a bit silly now, but I think a lot of us go through those feelings. I can’t help that, but I can assure you you’ll have a different perspective on it some day. For all the good it does you now.
If it helps, my thirties were much wilder than my youth.
This generation? Yeah, no.
This generation created it
Gen Z did not create casual sex.
Next, you’ll try telling me Gen Z didn’t invent blowjobs.
They’re full of shit. 50% of women on dating apps are just looking to get laid too, and maybe something good will follow. It’s not a battle of the sexist thing, that’s what it is these days
Women enjoy conversation.
Yeah that hasn’t done anything for me
If “Be good at talking” isn’t working for you, and you’re convinced you’re not going to be able to work the appearance angle, what exactly is left for you to try? It’s a dating app, the interactions are limited to “photos of self” and “talking to people”.
Look, let me ask in complete sincerity: what are you looking for by asking this question? You think “everyone” in this generation is all about hooking up - are you trying to figure out the secret to how they do it? The answer to that is pretty simple: be attractive in some way (which is very much not limited to just physical traits). There’s no cheat code here to get in a girls pants, it’s literally just learning to work with what’s available to you. That’s it.
Apparently there is cuz all these other dudes are doing it that are average looking
Have you considered that maybe it’s you? Like, you’re going to have to work on yourself to get to the point that you can pull on a dating app, there’s no “secret” you’re missing that you can add and magically you’re gonna land the babes. You’re just… not attractive. You can improve that, but it takes work.
So, I guess there is a secret: Putting in the work to make yourself attractive.
Have profile pictures that aren’t trying too hard, but show you reasonably well groomed, having fun, and at least one picture with others.
Have a basic write-up that shows a little personality, maybe make a cheesy dog joke or just something to lighten the mood.
Be honest what you’re looking for but use code words. Say something like… “I’ve been single for a while and I’m just looking for company, friendship and whatever happens. Open to long-term just not rushing”
When you do make a match, I don’t care if it humiliates you to your soul, tell a few crappy dad jokes to break the ice. It’s not about quality comedy, you just have to put the woman at ease and make her smile and let her know that you can joke around together.
You can refer to getting together to have sex as getting together to watch a movie or show. You test the water by hinting that you would like to be together at one another’s residence, but you don’t talk about it as sex, Even though both you and the woman know you’re having sex. I don’t know why women are this way but it’s just easier.
I don’t know why women are this way
Honestly? Because there’s fifteen guys in my DMs offering to take me to pound town or sending me wildly unsolicited pics of their dicks or trying to get feet pics or telling me how smart and intellectual I seem - seriously, listen, if I just wanted to get railed (and I had no standards) it would take me less than two minutes to set that up. And every woman’s inbox is like that, I promise you. If you don’t put in at least a little bit of effort to stand out from the sea of unsolicited dickpics, marriage proposals, negging and general ‘horny’ we get every day, we’re just gonna gloss over your message. It’s not personal just, there’s so many messages every day that I don’t even have time to read them all. If I do read the message, and it’s just the same thing as always, why spend time responding to that message instead of one of the (depressingly few) that seem like they might be fun and interesting and indicates the sender has the barest minimum of social aptitude?
And all this is coming from the perspective of an unabashed slut. You wanna land a lady with a bit of class? You actually have to, like, try a little bit. Otherwise there’s just so much noise from the unwashed masses of horny, they’ll probably never even notice you. It’s horrible, I don’t know a single woman that likes this, but it’s just the reality we’re stuck with.
if I just wanted to get railed (and I had no standards) it would take me less than two minutes to set that up.
I actually wonder what the conversion rate would be for people who send DMs like that. I imagine a big chunk of them are like dogs chasing cars, and wouldn’t know what to do it the car just stopped in the road.
I’m thinking a significant percentage wouldn’t follow through if the conversation turned to an invite to meet in person.
Social expectations and cultural norms.
Maybe use a hookup app instead of a dating app if all you want is hookups.
All dating apps are also hookup apps.
So glad I met my spouse before the advent of apps.
All the free dating apps are hookup apps and still get nothing on them
Idk how okcupid is now but I always found it funny that it was labeled as a partner type site but most of my interactions on there just ended up being super casual sex very often
“Try before you buy” is the joke description, but honestly the #1 reason I see people breaking up is because they were sexually incompatible (or really, just sexually lackluster) so it makes a ton of sense to approach relationships from that direction as a primary component. IDK, I think most people are just horny, but it’s a convenient side-effect of the horny?
Yeah it’s very true and I encourage it (in a safe way) cos once my partner and I got together and finally did it, I finally fully understood having sexual compatibility with someone and we’ve been together for ten years now. Fucking around as a younger lad was pretty fun though too and I’m glad I experienced it so I had the confidence to know what I like
hookups as is sex or just dates?
Getting laid is definitely what I want
Go to a prostitute.
Already blew enough money on that bs
Sex. Dates just ain’t happening
