• MagicShel@lemmy.zip
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      21 hours ago

      Wait, so you’re part of the generation, your experience is different, and you’re assuming the problem is your looks and not that you’re being lied to?

      • LeaveItToGod@lemmy.zipOP
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        21 hours ago

        Lied to about what? Hookup culture is literally what this world is all about now a days

        • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          19 hours ago

          Based on what? Plenty of studies are showing that generation by generation, people are having less sex, and are losing their virginity later. Gen Z particularly so.

          Here’s one such study I found with a quick Google search: https://ifstudies.org/in-the-news/adults-are-having-less-sex-than-ever-with-gen-z-seeing-the-steepest-decline-study


          Anecdotally:

          In the late 00s I started dating an 18 year old and lost my virginity at 16. I’m not saying that to rub it on or anything. My experience was not the norm and I probably would have been better off waiting longer. The important part is that I found out that nearly everyone talking big game was all talk. If you’re actually confident and comfortable in your ability to get sex, it just doesn’t come up outside of private talk between you and your partner very often.

          When I got to college I was wrongfully surprised that most of my friends and peers were still virgins. Some of my closer female friends talked to me about being nervous about getting sexual for their first time with their boyfriend (all mutual friends of mine) like a year into their relationship(s).

          I talked with people on my floor in the dorms who were partying like 5 nights a week and they weren’t getting any. They didn’t like it when I asked what was so fun about partying, where everyone was getting drunk and trying to hook up, but no one was actually hooking up. It didn’t make sense to me, but that story/situation matched what I was hearing from nearly everyone partying that much.

          And before you reiterate that hookup culture is specifically zoomers, Tinder launched while I was in college. Before that there was Craigslist, OKCupid, and a handful of other sites. My college was “known” to be a party school too.

          The biggest manwhore of my social circles had a grand total of 6 whole sexual partners in 8 years, and his first was when he was 20. He would have had you believe he had a new girl each month, but I got to know him better than that. Would have been my best man except he moved to fucking Australia, the cunt.

          Every manwhore/slut/person who got around I’ve ever talked to has also agreed: hookups normally range from ok to disappointing, rarely if ever great. Sex in long term relationships, where you each care about bringing the other pleasure, and you’ve had time to learn each other, ranges from mindblowing to good, rarely if ever just ok. Getting laid is a shitty goal on it’s own.

          And even with how young I lost my virginity, I’ve only ever had two partners. My wife has had three.

          So go jerk off, calm down. Try to build yourself into the kind of person the type of girl you want would like.


          As far as hookup specific advice? Take good care of yourself, be well groomed, reasonably dressed. Be confident but not a douche. Be interested in her without being desperate. Be fun to simply be around and to interact with. The sort of attitude you want to put out is “I’m doing fun stuff with my life. I’ll enjoy it on my own but I’d love to share it with you.” Trustworthy, confident, caring, interesting, interested in them, but not needy.

          You’ve gotta be comfortable and happy with yourself before most people would want to come along for the ride, even for just a night.

          Good luck and I hope you find what you need. It might not be what you think you want though.

        • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
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          20 hours ago

          I hear you, mate. When I was thirteen all my friends were having crazy sex while I could barely get a handy. And if you think that’s wild, my parents generation literally did nothing but drugs and sex all day. My older kids didn’t even consider it a party unless someone was getting spanked or tied up, while my teens must content themselves with sexting everyone their nudes—damned Covid.

          There has always been hookup culture, and it has never included you (you being about 90% of readers). This generation is unique in neither aspect.

            • B1naryB0t@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              19 hours ago

              It’s good that you’re honest with your feelings. The point being made is that almost everyone is being left out, having normal experiences. The good news is that one day you’ll probably get another normal experience of falling for someone and having a deep connection in addition to sex.

              Who is telling you that casual sex is common? Where did they hear it? At its root, it’s mostly sold as a way to prey on male insecurities. Social media literally profits off you being insecure and engaging with a myth that everyone is hooking up but you.

            • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
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              20 hours ago

              I know. Cried myself to sleep over it when I was younger. Seems a bit silly now, but I think a lot of us go through those feelings. I can’t help that, but I can assure you you’ll have a different perspective on it some day. For all the good it does you now.

              If it helps, my thirties were much wilder than my youth.

    • Krudler@lemmy.world
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      21 hours ago

      They’re full of shit. 50% of women on dating apps are just looking to get laid too, and maybe something good will follow. It’s not a battle of the sexist thing, that’s what it is these days