My own life only? Not everything?

One year? And I am healthy for it? Maybe quit working, spend the retirement money traveling for awhile. Maybe.

Five years, and I am healthy for them? And only I know this? Increase my life insurance each year, keep working but take longer breaks, try to make sure that my husband can pay off the house and stuff with the life insurance.

Why am I not doing these things? Because they are short term plans that would be harmful over a longer lifetime. The first, obviously, but the second would be expensive and unsustainable as well. Like it or not, I have to plan for a long life, keep healthy, keep my job, and I am pretty happy already.

I have what may be a unique perspective here. I have a brain tumor, glioma, diagnosed August 2023. I was told I had 1-3 years to live with a 99% chance. As it turns out, I have a rare slow-growing type (oligodendroglioma) with the right mutations. I got treatment and now I still have the tumor but I have a prognosis to live for a long time.

So what did I learn? Not much, mostly cliches. But have the drink, laugh with people, enjoy the day. There is no magic revelation. Enjoy the day. If you don’t enjoy the day, learn from that and fix it.

I’d type more but there’s not much more to put. I spent time making a will, ensuring my affairs were in order. I was gonn quit my job and travel, but it turned out I need the insurance. Luckily for me I like my job and my company. Everything is ethereal.

Yeah. I would stop studying and just focus on things I enjoy

I’d spend time with loved ones and look forward to not having to deal with gestures vaguely at the world this bullshit ever again.

If I had one year left without slowly feeling worse because of some sickness I think I would just continue what I’m doing already but with an extreme deadline.

• make sure I make the best with my family
• finish my dissertation, a year is doable
• organize my archival/datahoarding material to be accessible to family and backed up
• make my will very clear
• maybe the biggest change I would make would be to divorce my partner so I can max out my credit cards traveling with them to see family and friends in three countries.
• maybe try to take more seriously meditation, an hour a day
• I’m not sure I would want to do anything that could hurt my family, their opinion of me, or separate me from them during that year.

Five years is such a significant amount of time I really don’t know if that could change anything. The deadlines would feel so far away.

A month would feel crazy fast. This might cause me to make more radical changes.

Imagine suddenly you no longer exist, poof, from one day to the next there is no more you.

On the last day I’d throw a big party. Then as my time approached I’d say: “Attention everyone! There’s something I never told you. My real name is Sergius of Proxima Centauri! I come from another planet! And it is now time for me to beam up to my spaceship. Somebody film this please…” Then I’d sit in a full-lotus position til I disappeared.

No, seriously, I’d just double-check my will and give away most my personal stuff, then go on living like always.

Would you spend your remaining time differently than you do now?

If so, why aren’t you already doing it?

Probably not as I am already stuck.

I am not aware of what I would do differently, where I would go, how I would reliably get there, and I don’t have much money. Also I don’t really have much contact with anyone.

And y’know, things aren’t looking great with the news but that’s all I’ll say.

If I knew there was nothing after next week, I’d keep doing what I do, but harder.

I would try, but I doubt I’d have success.

Over just for me or everyone?