Then there are the ones who have an easy baby, wonder what all the fuss is about, and then have a second which is a nightmare. Actual quote from friends of ours who had it that way round - “I understand what you were on about now.”
I knew a couple that had four super easy babies in a row. Just delightful, sleeping through the night within a month of birth, no colic, easy like Sunday morning girls. So they went for one more. Had a boy that was the hardest baby in the world. Didn’t sleep through the night till 5, colic, had a nuclear reactors worth of energy in him. They said if that had been their first they never would have had a second.
You never know what you’re going to get. My daughter was ROUGH the first 9 months, hardest thing I’ve ever been through. But then it got a lot easier and every day was better. She’s 15 now and the coolest kid. We had planned to have a second but by the time we could even wrap our heads around it she could talk, so we asked her if she wanted a sibling. She thought about her two best friends, who are brother and sister and fought like mad, and said nah. I didn’t want to go through that first 9 months again so that was that. Really glad we did that, we’ve got such a great bond with the three of us.
I blame the hormones. There’s something about that post-birth period where the hormones not only help bond a mother/parent with their kid and forget about all the trauma and pain they went through with the pregnancy and birth, but it also makes a lot of people want another baby.
My parents were from families of 8 and 7, all but one of those 14 couples had at least 1 kid and only 2 had less than three. Do my anecdotes cancel out your anecdote?
This was my mom. I luckily had my easy babies after the more screamy one, but my mom had 3 kids, said she was always so judgemental of parents with kids throwing tantrums in the store, she knew she was doing something right because we didn’t do that, and in her words:
"For my hubris, God sent me Janet "
And she figured out that there are kids who scream in the store no matter what you do.
I know Lemmy is aggressively anti-child for some reason, but parenting was by far the best work I have ever done. Kids are work but such delightful little people.
Also my mom - I didn’t remember her being affectionate with us, she did a good job of clothing, feeding, educating us but wasn’t ever really, I dunno, Mom - like? I asked her about it once and she said "I don’t like little kids " and I was like WTF you had so many kids! And she said “well I like you all NOW, I knew you would grow up and become people.”
I know Lemmy is aggressively anti-child for some reason
Is it? I’ve never had a conversation on the topic on here so I truly have no idea, but my general experience with the topic is that people who don’t have or want kids (and it’s so expensive that plenty of people who do want to have kids can’t because they can’t afford it) often have their opinion on the subject disregarded, and that that is the root of any hostility towards the parents guilty of the offense.
Basically, the “I don’t want kids.” “Oh, you will.” “No, I won’t.” “You say that now, but I know better, you will.” kind of conversations that end with the parent wondering why the person they were talking to was so angry.
On the flip side, while I might be somewhat dismissive of people who are 18 and think their opinions will never change, I tend to go with, “You might change your mind someday,” but am also pretty uninvested in whether some acquaintance or even good friend decides to make a choice that is going to have almost no direct impact on me. I have also been part of more than one conversation on Lemmy where peoplenhave used the term breeder, and I’ve never seen that used in a positive way.
I have also been part of more than one conversation on Lemmy where people have used the term breeder
Ew, that’s 110% some dehumanizing language there. Gross.
The big hostility I see isn’t from 18 year olds who don’t want kids, it’s from 30 year olds being told that they’re wrong and they will want kids. I’m with you in the “it doesn’t affect me so I don’t care whether someone wants kids or not” department, but some of the conversations that I’ve seen have given off the same vibes as when a former coworker told a young lesbian that we worked with that she “just hadn’t had the right dick inside her.” That shit ain’t okay and I totally get the hostile response people have.
Yeah, a lot of young people change their minds about what they want in life, some older people, too. I kind of hope my kids change their minds but, looking around, I totally get why people would be turned off with bringing more people into this mess. Either way, it’s their choice, and I will live with whichever one they make. The same applies for choice of partners.
lol!! I feel that in my soul!! I don’t like kids, especially babies. I joke I barely liked my own. But man, my daughter is just the fucking coolest, every day she got that little bit older and we could have more in depth conversations and do more together. (I know every parent says that, but you know)
I don’t remember having a lot of affection when I was a kid, it was either ignore me and expect me to be perfectly behaved, or intense scrutiny. No in between. So when I had my daughter I wasn’t going to be like that. Lots of hugs and cuddles and always telling her how much I love her exactly how she is.
This happened to my family. Our first was all around pretty easy. Our second was absolutely insane. She gave my wife and I PTSD; we felt like abuse victims. She screamed 90% of her whole existence until she was 2. Any noise above a whisper would wake her up. This kid would break all parents. We tried everything to make it easier and literally nothing worked. She is the most intense child I’ve ever met, and she is cute as all hell. Love her to death, but my god is she difficult and stubborn.
We started watching TV with headphones because we were so scared of waking her up during nap time. Screamed for hours if she woke up, nothing could fix it.
I have 1 of each. The first is our impossible one. I still get shocked how easy it has been the second time around. Things I used to stress about or cry over how fucked my life is are non existent this time around. Don’t get me wrong, a child, even a good one, is a huge amount of work. It’s just crazy how different they can be from each other.
There is both how easy is the kid and how much support there is around (not just from family and friends but also institutional). And then there is how fulfilling you personally find being “parent”. Honestly, it took me more than I would have wanted to find a parent-other life balance. And I still find the parent life to be a bit limiting at times. While I have friends that dove head first into the parent life apparently seamlessly.
Mine is crazy when she’s awake. But she has slept through the night alone since 6 months old. I have to remind myself when she’s awake how much more sleep I have gotten than other parents.
Though she did need to be held for every sleep period up until 5 months old. Some switch flipped. Before that she basically slept every hour on my wives lap or in my baby carrier.
Some people get easy babys.
And then there are the people who get to be parents of ever-screaming high energy high need children.
Then there are the ones who have an easy baby, wonder what all the fuss is about, and then have a second which is a nightmare. Actual quote from friends of ours who had it that way round - “I understand what you were on about now.”
I knew a couple that had four super easy babies in a row. Just delightful, sleeping through the night within a month of birth, no colic, easy like Sunday morning girls. So they went for one more. Had a boy that was the hardest baby in the world. Didn’t sleep through the night till 5, colic, had a nuclear reactors worth of energy in him. They said if that had been their first they never would have had a second.
You never know what you’re going to get. My daughter was ROUGH the first 9 months, hardest thing I’ve ever been through. But then it got a lot easier and every day was better. She’s 15 now and the coolest kid. We had planned to have a second but by the time we could even wrap our heads around it she could talk, so we asked her if she wanted a sibling. She thought about her two best friends, who are brother and sister and fought like mad, and said nah. I didn’t want to go through that first 9 months again so that was that. Really glad we did that, we’ve got such a great bond with the three of us.
Crazy to think someone would actually go “4 isn’t enough, let’s go for 5”.
It’s like playing Russian roulette without spinning the chamber.
I’ve pulled the trigger 4 times already, I must just be lucky so let’s keep pulling that trigger!
That’s absolutely mental. Even three easy babies are a handful. Like, really a handful. Going for a fifth is tempting fate too much.
I blame the hormones. There’s something about that post-birth period where the hormones not only help bond a mother/parent with their kid and forget about all the trauma and pain they went through with the pregnancy and birth, but it also makes a lot of people want another baby.
A colleague had two and they went for a third and got twins. That was a rough time for him.
It’s child abuse. There is literally not enough time in a day to give each kid the attention they need.
You know that the oldest had to parent the younger ones and will never have kids of their own. For reasons.
My parents were from families of 8 and 7, all but one of those 14 couples had at least 1 kid and only 2 had less than three. Do my anecdotes cancel out your anecdote?
This was my mom. I luckily had my easy babies after the more screamy one, but my mom had 3 kids, said she was always so judgemental of parents with kids throwing tantrums in the store, she knew she was doing something right because we didn’t do that, and in her words:
"For my hubris, God sent me Janet "
And she figured out that there are kids who scream in the store no matter what you do.
I know Lemmy is aggressively anti-child for some reason, but parenting was by far the best work I have ever done. Kids are work but such delightful little people.
Also my mom - I didn’t remember her being affectionate with us, she did a good job of clothing, feeding, educating us but wasn’t ever really, I dunno, Mom - like? I asked her about it once and she said "I don’t like little kids " and I was like WTF you had so many kids! And she said “well I like you all NOW, I knew you would grow up and become people.”
I decided to stay child free because I know that I would not be the mom that I’d like to have. I do like kids though.
Is it? I’ve never had a conversation on the topic on here so I truly have no idea, but my general experience with the topic is that people who don’t have or want kids (and it’s so expensive that plenty of people who do want to have kids can’t because they can’t afford it) often have their opinion on the subject disregarded, and that that is the root of any hostility towards the parents guilty of the offense.
Basically, the “I don’t want kids.” “Oh, you will.” “No, I won’t.” “You say that now, but I know better, you will.” kind of conversations that end with the parent wondering why the person they were talking to was so angry.
On the flip side, while I might be somewhat dismissive of people who are 18 and think their opinions will never change, I tend to go with, “You might change your mind someday,” but am also pretty uninvested in whether some acquaintance or even good friend decides to make a choice that is going to have almost no direct impact on me. I have also been part of more than one conversation on Lemmy where peoplenhave used the term breeder, and I’ve never seen that used in a positive way.
Ew, that’s 110% some dehumanizing language there. Gross.
The big hostility I see isn’t from 18 year olds who don’t want kids, it’s from 30 year olds being told that they’re wrong and they will want kids. I’m with you in the “it doesn’t affect me so I don’t care whether someone wants kids or not” department, but some of the conversations that I’ve seen have given off the same vibes as when a former coworker told a young lesbian that we worked with that she “just hadn’t had the right dick inside her.” That shit ain’t okay and I totally get the hostile response people have.
Yeah, a lot of young people change their minds about what they want in life, some older people, too. I kind of hope my kids change their minds but, looking around, I totally get why people would be turned off with bringing more people into this mess. Either way, it’s their choice, and I will live with whichever one they make. The same applies for choice of partners.
lol!! I feel that in my soul!! I don’t like kids, especially babies. I joke I barely liked my own. But man, my daughter is just the fucking coolest, every day she got that little bit older and we could have more in depth conversations and do more together. (I know every parent says that, but you know)
I don’t remember having a lot of affection when I was a kid, it was either ignore me and expect me to be perfectly behaved, or intense scrutiny. No in between. So when I had my daughter I wasn’t going to be like that. Lots of hugs and cuddles and always telling her how much I love her exactly how she is.
So babies are like a box of chocolates?
Basically yes.
This happened to my family. Our first was all around pretty easy. Our second was absolutely insane. She gave my wife and I PTSD; we felt like abuse victims. She screamed 90% of her whole existence until she was 2. Any noise above a whisper would wake her up. This kid would break all parents. We tried everything to make it easier and literally nothing worked. She is the most intense child I’ve ever met, and she is cute as all hell. Love her to death, but my god is she difficult and stubborn.
We started watching TV with headphones because we were so scared of waking her up during nap time. Screamed for hours if she woke up, nothing could fix it.
My friend: “We wouldn’t have had three if the third one was first.”
my parents wanted three until they had my younger brother. even as a grown up that guy is a handful.
That’s why I’m pro abortion. But not after the child’s 10th year. That would be unethical.
Silly, you have to phrase it the way new parents do.
Legalize abortion through 129 months.
Come on. They’re not people until they’re 23.
I always thought labeling the death penalty as post-natal abortions would get the conservatives against it.
Yeah I agree, by the tenth year you know for sure wether that child is an asshole or not.
I have 1 of each. The first is our impossible one. I still get shocked how easy it has been the second time around. Things I used to stress about or cry over how fucked my life is are non existent this time around. Don’t get me wrong, a child, even a good one, is a huge amount of work. It’s just crazy how different they can be from each other.
There is both how easy is the kid and how much support there is around (not just from family and friends but also institutional). And then there is how fulfilling you personally find being “parent”. Honestly, it took me more than I would have wanted to find a parent-other life balance. And I still find the parent life to be a bit limiting at times. While I have friends that dove head first into the parent life apparently seamlessly.
I was a really easy baby. Too easy, actually. Didn’t say a word until I was 4.
We have one of those “major pain in the ass” ones, and sometimes I look at other people’s kids and think how boring they are. Love my demon spawn
Mine is crazy when she’s awake. But she has slept through the night alone since 6 months old. I have to remind myself when she’s awake how much more sleep I have gotten than other parents.
Though she did need to be held for every sleep period up until 5 months old. Some switch flipped. Before that she basically slept every hour on my wives lap or in my baby carrier.
There is no easy babie. Maybe an easier baby.