He’s 48, the girl is 17. Yes, their relationship is legal here; legality is not the point, but morality and ethics - I don’t think it’s okay. They’ve been dating for a few months now. I only found out about it recently when he started bringing her home to spend the night (I’m 19 and live with him). Dad’s been widowed since 2023. Her parents know and support this relationship - heard it straight from their mouth when they came to visit. My family believes the girl is a gold digger so she’s the one in the wrong. My dad and I are very close, he’s always been an amazing dad, supports me in every way a person can be supported… I’m queer and being queer in Romania isn’t well received to say the least, but he’s always had my back and I feel safe because of him.  Now for him to go and do something like this… I talked to both him and the girl, he says it’s just something that happened (he didn’t go looking for it); she says she loves being spoilt and how “chill” my dad is (she characterized the relationship as a cold day in bed under the warm covers). I don’t really know what I’m looking to hear honestly, but I want to talk about it.

  • IWW4@lemmy.zip
    3620·
    8 hours ago

    What to do?

    You already did it. I suggest it is time for you to grow up some. People are messy. Even the people you revere are messy.

    Your father is putting a roof over your head and providing you safe place to have the relationships you want but you are not affording him the same. I think it is crazy, but by your own words in your country his relationships are more acceptable than yours.

    It sounds to me like both your dad and her are happy. She loves being pampered and he is loving being with a 17 year old. Your extended family is some what correct by labeling her a gold digger, but they are totally full of shit saying the young women is in the wrong. Theirs is a transactional relationship and it sounds to me like they are very honest with each other about it.

    Do I think that is a wonky relationship? Sure, but I am not Romanian and truth be told if this were happening in the states it would be totally acceptable if she were 365 days older.

    You have no other options.

    • It is legal inn your country
    • She is happy
    • He is happy
    • Those that matter to her are happy
    • You still have a roof over your head
    • You still have a safe place
    • You still have your dad
    • NeatNit@discuss.tchncs.de
      224·
      7 hours ago

      I agree with some of this but not so much with these parts:

      I suggest it is time for you to grow up some.

      No reason to treat OP like a child. This post is more of an “off my chest” than anything else. It sounds to me like that already accept most of what you said, but just need to process it.

      if this were happening in the states it would be totally acceptable if she were 365 days older.

      Would it? I’m not American. Would it be socially and ethically acceptable for a 40-something man to date an 18 years old girl? I’m skeptical of that. OP started their post pointing out it’s not about legality.

      Your father is […] providing you safe place to have the relationships you want but you are not affording him the same.

      That’s not fair, for many reasons. First, I didn’t get the impression that OP actively tried to sabotage the relationship, just probed at how it happened and maybe expressed that it makes them feel uncomfortable, though we don’t even know that for sure. That’s not the same as “not providing a safe space”. For all we know, OP’s dad might also be uncomfortable with a queer relationship but swallows it up - same as OP is doing.

      Where I do agree with you is that OP’s only remaining option is to accept that this relationship is happening. And I think OP already knew that before posting this.