He’s 48, the girl is 17. Yes, their relationship is legal here; legality is not the point, but morality and ethics - I don’t think it’s okay. They’ve been dating for a few months now. I only found out about it recently when he started bringing her home to spend the night (I’m 19 and live with him). Dad’s been widowed since 2023. Her parents know and support this relationship - heard it straight from their mouth when they came to visit. My family believes the girl is a gold digger so she’s the one in the wrong. My dad and I are very close, he’s always been an amazing dad, supports me in every way a person can be supported… I’m queer and being queer in Romania isn’t well received to say the least, but he’s always had my back and I feel safe because of him. Now for him to go and do something like this… I talked to both him and the girl, he says it’s just something that happened (he didn’t go looking for it); she says she loves being spoilt and how “chill” my dad is (she characterized the relationship as a cold day in bed under the warm covers). I don’t really know what I’m looking to hear honestly, but I want to talk about it.
Like others have suggested, if they’re legally adults age gap should not be an issue. They’re adults, they’re consenting and, not knowing them it’s hard to say, they seem to be happy together. What’s wrong with that?
Your intimate life is yours and you are who you are, right? And you’re happy your dad understands that and stands with you? Shouldn’t your dad’s (and his girlfriend’s) intimate life be their own too?
I mean, don’t you think a lot of the homophobic crowd out there would somehow comment in a similar fashion as this, persuaded it’s any of their business:
Insisting on making it not ok to be queer albeit it’s ok, essentially because they’re unable to question their own certainties and habits, or their ‘morals’?
It is ok to be queer. Never let anyone force you to think it’s not… but then, don’t you wish to be as supportive, and to not be pushing a similar kind of moralistic ‘ideology’ onto people whose preferences and/or partners you may not yourself understand, even when it’s your dad?
That being said, you should feel ok to talk about it, like you seemingly did. But don’t make an issue of what should not be one: it’s their story, not yours.
You’re perfectly fine to not feel happy about it (like, I imagine, a dad may not be happy to realize his son may never have children, just an hypothesis: my spouse and I are more than old enough to be grandparents already, and never had children so ‘perpetuating our name’ was never an obsession with us) but it’s still up to you to make it so your personal feelings don’t become a burden for them.
Either be spending less time with them, or by learning to understand them better. Maybe, beside being younger than you are, the girl has a lot of qualities you don’t know about?
Edit: doesn’t matter how long/sad the story ends, or if it lasts forever. What matters is who you will show yourself to be when your dad needs you. Well, imho.