I grew up in a rough household. We had holes punched into the walls, doors torn off the frames, my siblings and I saw regular abuse, and as a kid I constantly felt like I had to do things to keep the family held together.

I felt like I was treated by my parents as a servant. They constantly threw away anything I remotely liked, and continued stacking chores on me, especially those that weren’t my own mess. They gave me the boot shortly before graduation, and long story short, I finally got a place for myself after years of effort.

I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair. Like you escape hell after all these years, and the first thing expected from you is to find a job. I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me? Why after all this time of putting up with the crap you have instead of being a kid are you just expected to step in line like everyone else when you never got that opportunity to find who you are and simply enjoy life for what it is.

I don’t know, is this lazy? It’s not that I don’t want to work, but why can’t I be a kid? Why can’t I have some time to reclaim what all was taken from me and have some time to enjoy myself rather than grasp at random short memories I had before I was 5? Everyone else got it, why not me?

I don’t know, am I just rambling about nothing?

  • Paradachshund@lemmy.today
    4·
    1 day ago

    Money is unavoidable but you don’t have to do a typical career. Maybe you could try one of those English teaching jobs overseas, or be a nomad doing odd jobs here and there and traveling around. Lots of paths out there, and some might be more care free than a typical 9-5.

    Have you considered becoming a student? You might be able to get financial aid. It might not cover 100%, but you’d get to be around young people also discovering themselves.

    You definitely didn’t deserve what you got. I hope you can find a path that feels at least a little more like what you want to be doing.