I don’t fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I’m just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I’m a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I’m polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.
I’m not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I’m a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.
I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like “cute,” “adorable,” and “sweetheart,” and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don’t find it offensive or infantilizing at all.
Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It’s rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.
This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I’m the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a “Christian” or “virgin” because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.
In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don’t do “naughty” or “dominant”; I would view a partner’s body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.
I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!
Well you appeal to most women? No. Will you appeal to some women? Absolutely.
I would say most women is not a useful metric tbh. Most women they encounter in their social circles will likely find them attractive, however.
Bi and pan girls have entered the chat.
Behind every golden retriever boyfriend is a black cat girlfriend.
Oh I am well aware. My current FWB is pan and I am not a manly man’s man. She is obsessed with me even though I do not fit the description of traditional masculinity.
I make her laugh and climax (not always in that order) so my physical appearance is pretty much irrelevant. It’s a wonderful thing.
What is your “most women” based on, personal experience?
It’s not that deep. The vague “ideal man” that most women would find attractive. Think your Henry Cavils of the world. “Manly” men.
When you intentionally stray from the traits that women are biologically wired to seek in a partner you’re gonna lower the number that find it attractive. Like I’m sure some deer are still attracted to the buck that loses every fight. Just not as many as the one that wins all its fights.
How do you know this is biological and not a social construct? I am afraid your opinion is based on a lot of stereotypes.
… Based on science and reality. There are endless studies that in general women are more attracted to “masculine” men. Strong looking deep voiced men. Even more so when ovulating. Same way men are hard wired for big boobs and wide hips. Monkey brain wants to make sure our offspring survive birth and are well fed.
Obviously I understand that many people stray from those biological/evolutionary preferences but they are still the average/norm for most hence my first comment.
If you’re going to be that hand wavy and sure about it, then it’s only fair that I respond with “source?”
https://www.colorado.edu/asmagazine/2010/12/01/fertile-women-want-macho-looking-men
Or just Google it for yourself and read any one of the many many articles talking about the subject in various different and specific ways.
Or just look at the men that most women are attracted to in general and see what characteristics they share.
I understand women are not a monolith. I was careful when I said “most” not all.
I’m sorry, your source is a short 15 year old quarterly fluff university magazine piece written by an undergrad citing a study that isn’t even linked in the article?
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/women-may-prefer-masculine-men-for-a-fling-but-only-when-they-are-ovulating/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6399235/
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness
There are lots of studies saying that intelligence, a great sense of humor, and wealth are very attractive to women too. What if OP was a PhD, stand up comedian by night with a great job at a university and a wealthy family? I mean, we are not monkeys in the end.