You’ve heard of truck nuts! But let me tell you about the next big thing in the nut world! BUTT NUTTS!!!
That’s right if you’ve ever wanted to assert your masculinity, your feelings of insecurity, or just your plain old love of nuts, order Butt Nutts today!!!
“But what are Butts Nutts?” You may ask.
Here at Nothin’ Butt Nut Industries, we have taken the heartiest, most America loving, and God fearing nuts we could find and made a mold of them. We’ve attached our perfect nut molds to ultra secure butt plugs. Available in multiple sizes!
Our patent pending butt plugs were designed with the security and versatility of all wheel drive in mind. Just like you can trust your truck to get you where you need to go in any weather. You can trust our Butt Nutts to stay in place regardless of the weather outside, excluding hurricanes and tornadoes.
Order today and receive our special edition All American Nut Rings. Its a cock ring with a little eagle on top and nuts on the bottom of the cock ring. Also the eagle has nuts too.
Want more??? We’ll throw in our signature Black Gold Oil Field Lube. The only lube to deliver the rich smell of American oil and the ultra slick glide of top quality lube.
Butt Nutts: Leave them wondering about your bulge in the back! Order Butt Nutts now!!! Made by Nothin’ Butt Nut Industries, we’re nuts about nuts!!
I am very intrigued, but as a very straight, very Christian man, I worry Butt Nutts might make me gay? Is there any merit to this? Do you have a camo model?
Let me answer your more pressing question, yes Butt Nutts come in a tactical camo!
We get this question often for whatever reason. Let me ask you, are you gay for having your two Christ given nuts? No? Then why would adding more nuts make you gay? It wouldn’t make you gay is the truth.
If this is regarding the butt plug attachment mechanism, we tested several other attachment mechanisms to attach our nuts to butts. What we found is our AWD butt plug performed better than all others options. Our beta testers all said the current design of Butt Nuts was the most pleasurable and effective.
Once you try our Butt Nutts you’ll be so full of new confidence, you’ll brush any naysayers with a clever wittism like “Talk to my nuts” or something to that effect.
Even if it did make you gay there’s nothing wrong with that. Frankly, if you got a problem with that you can buy our product and shove it up your ass.
But DoGeeseSeeGos, how do I really know if butt nutts are for me? After all, everything you’re saying sounds too good to be true.
Great question krooklochurm! Let me ask you do you feel tired when you wake up? Do you feel hungry when you haven’t eaten? Do you have wants or dreams that haven’t been achieved? Do you experience anxiety, depression, headaches, weather related events, or gravity?
Well if you answered yes to any of those questions Butt Nutts may be right for you! Butt Nutts have been scientifically proven to be a product. We believe in the power of confidence. The confidence we get from proudly wearing our Butt Nutts makes us feel like we can do ANYTHING!!! Unless you already have too much confidence, order Butt Nutts today and fill yourself with confidence!!!
But DoGeeseSeeGos, my wife’s boyfriend says these are stupid, and that they are kind of gay. As I am deeply insecure about my heterosexuality, and need to need to project an aura of insecure masculinity at all times, will these products turn me gay?
But it’s No Nutt November!
Hahaha it’s not that type of nutt friend… Unless get me the design team we need to see if we can Butt Nutts cum! Sorry ignore that I have to go
But wait, there’s more! Order now and we will throw in a pair of our PATENTED Butt Nutz slacks! With our patented Butt Nutz slacks, you can show off your Butt Nutz without all of the hassle of disrobing! Simply unzip and let em hang! Be the talk around the water cooler! Normally $59.99, these Butt Nutz slacks are free if you order in the next 15 minutes and use the promo code: “nutinmybutt” at checkout!
Genius! You’re hired!
I always told Mom that I’d make it in marketing!
Username checks out even!
GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS ON ENERGY
You’ll be UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC
Is that a powerthirst reference? What year is it my friend lol. You just pulled up some very old memories
Oddly enough, MAGA-themed sex toys may be an untapped but highly lucrative market. Cock ring with an eagle attached? Coming to a cringy Fetlife profile near you.
I honestly don’t know what the fuck I was exactly I was going for with this. The words/image of butt nutts popped into my mind and I ran with it. I guess I was targeting the truck nutz crowd which probably has major overlap with MAGA. However, I deeply resident the idea I accidentally created MAGA themed sex toys. Fuck MAGA, but not like that. Never like that.
That being said I am so tempted to cash in on the MAGA craze/grift with selling cheap dumb shit, even better if the products are shotty. But damn I’m too lazy/I have a touch too many morals
I know that feeling. Years ago, I was really tempted to give up arguing with audiophiles and try to make money off them instead. Didn’t do it because I have too many morals.
But I wouldn’t judge you for grifting MAGA. Make that guy with a confederate battle flag tattoo on his Fetlife profile pay up.
It’d be pretty dope if someone made a dildo that had balls that kinda behaved like an actual nutsuck and weren’t just the shape of the base. Make them actually swing around and slap your taint.
The issue is the merging of two different kinds of silicone. Silicone in itself doesn’t like other silicones and the harder ones tend to “melt” the softer ones (in reality the polymer chains interact and cause migration, which deforms the softer object as it will have higher plasticity).
You could make a hard silicone dildo with soft silicone balls but most likely you’d end up with the ballsack tearing off in a play-doh consistency mess within a few weeks of manufacturing.
I think I saw one online before but it was kinda expensive.
I’d like to invest in your R&D
We already have butt nuts, but y’all aren’t ready for that I guess. Some of my fellas know what I’m talking about.
Its called a fruit bowl.
You tuck your junk back between your legs, then from back it looks like berries and a banana, a fruit bowl.
I’m something of an expert in the field of Butts and Nuts, but I have no clue what you’re talking about. Will you personally show me these butt nuts you’re talking about? I have to know the competition. I’ll pay.
One can already pay to see butt nuts readily online. One must simply search for anal creampie.
Bon Appetit.
My god… How long have we had this technology!!!
It’s thought the anus evolved approximately 550 million years ago. One theory says it evolved from an opening originally used to release sperm which fused with the gut. This would mean nuts might have been going in butts for as long as butts have existed.
I’ll take eight!!
Excellent! Thank you my octo nutted friend! Or well maybe you’re deca nutted but that’s your business haha
I expected Butt Nuts to be something different…
Given your name, its just poop, innit?
Are you Gabriel Morton?
