Sell the lemons and call it “life is giving you lemons”

How To Basic

Watch out for lemon stealing whores.

Last year, in Sapporo, I went to a bar that serves unlimited lemon highball (i.e. hard liquor) out of a tap. The whole bar is lemon-themed. It was very cheap, like $10 for 90 minutes of all-you-can-drink lemon highball or something like that. Anyway, I’m not a heavy drinker by any means, but dear god, we got blasted. I don’t think I can look at a lemon again without feeling mildly nauseous.

“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? No. First you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a media blitz. Lemon is the only way to say “I love you,” the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in. Billboards that say she won’t have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops. You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the “o.” You charge 40% more for organic lemons, 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists, you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape. Timotheé Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes. Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn’t “cool” or “tight” or “awesome,” no, it’s “lemon.” “Did you see that movie? Did you see that concert? It was effing lemon.” Billie Eilish, “OMG, hashtag… lemon.” You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins ‘cause there’s nothing scarier than toxins. Then you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes the lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you cross-pollinate… you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmer for patent infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land. Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you’re done, and you’ve sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some fucking lemonade."

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. when life gives you too many lemons, make a lemonade factory. when the market is oversaturated with lemons and nobody wants your lemonade, pass laws forcing the poor’s to buy your lemonade. when socialist America elects a libtard commie, bribe him. when the countrie is destitute and starving because they have nothing to eat, save money on lemonade by selling lemons.

He is making lemon juice. Seems like somebody else got lemons and has hired workers to squeeze the lemons for the lemonade. The process is very inefficient so the profit margins must be high.

This is a capitalist success story. It’s always possible to find a way to suppress others if you have resources.

The moral is that not everybody gets lemons. Don’t be sad, abuse them.

That’s somehow the 3rd “life gives you lemon” comics I see this week.

Obligatory link to David Revoy’s awesome work : https://framapiaf.org/@davidrevoy/114943045552334866

Say the line, Cave!

Unless life gives you water and sugar too your lemonade is gonna really suck.

When god gives you lemons, you find a new god.

LEMONS?!

If I had that many lemons I would throw the biggest lemon party ever

He’s been squeezing the lemons, drinking the juice, and filling the bottles with piss.

when life is a lemon, suck on it