I don’t fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I’m just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I’m a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I’m polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.
I’m not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I’m a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.
I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like “cute,” “adorable,” and “sweetheart,” and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don’t find it offensive or infantilizing at all.
Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It’s rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.
This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I’m the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a “Christian” or “virgin” because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.
In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don’t do “naughty” or “dominant”; I would view a partner’s body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.
I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!
There are definitely women who like and appreciate a partner like that. Particularly, demi-sexual women would absolutely love a supportive and caring partner. Pansexual women could too. Many women may not realize they’re demi or pan and don’t usually advertise themselves as such, but they are there.
I myself don’t act very masculine and don’t relate well with other men. I identify as the gender apathetic flavor of non-binary. Not being masculine or feminine in mannorisms. I appear male, but like you, my mannerisms are gentle and caring. I definitely have had women friends see me “as a little brother” and cared about me in a platonic way… I don’t know if there’s a way out of that 😅… BUT they will help you find a date.
When I met my future wife, I let her know I wanted to date her before being friends but after being aquatinted. She appreciated my politeness and care and reciprocated it back. We’ve been married for 10 years now. Found out later she was demi-sexual. She didn’t find me attractive at first (she didn’t find anyone truly attractive), but she did as she loved me more.
I find this funny because while reading this post I thought to myself “I don’t see why I wouldn’t date someone like that?” and I identify as demisexual. I’m already taken, unfortunately for OP, but I’m sure if he were to mention wanting someone to cuddle or being lonely to those friends who called him “cute” and “adorable” someone may step up and either find him a match or admit interest.
Lmao, I got called a little brother by a friend too!
She literally changed my life by helping me work through my past struggles with gender expectations and trust issues, so she was definitely a mentor figure for me at the time. The reason I can proudly share my desire to be a cute guy is directly thanks to her. She showed me that people truly liked me for who I was, even if I was a bit different. It turns out that what made me different was exactly what she liked about me the most. After all, the first thing she ever said to me was, “Oh my god, you’re adorable!”
I’m so happy that it worked out for you! Your story is relatable to me and gives me hope.