As someone who has masked both neurodivergence and sexuality, it’s not worth it. It will be challenging to navigate our biased and unaccommodating world, but the challenges pale in comparison to true happiness. Happiness is always fleeting, so seeking a negative peace pretending to be something you’re not is a fool’s errand. Hiding yourself will only ever lead to pain and mental anguish.
“Yeah so for this unmeasurable and ephemeral thing that I myself just called ‘fleeting’ you should totally act non-het and potentially put yourself in mortal danger because I, an internet stranger, said so.”
I get your point is that you’ve learned not to do it, but yeah that idea is terrible from start to finish. I’m sorry you had to go through it either way
I’m aware of all of this, and have not discounted it. I’ve been harmed by the expectation of neurotypical behavior, regardless of whether I mask. I’ve been harmed by het expectations, regardless of masking. I pick and choose who I’m open with about these things within my personal life, but I don’t hide it. You’re making an assumption as well, that masking will prevent harm. There’s a reason why I specifically said that it will lead to anguish, and that’s because it’s not a shelter. It creates a mental prison that will lead to a feeling of isolation.
Masking will prevent harm that directly coincides with who you are. It creates a defensive layer.
The het expectations are nowhere near as bad as the risk of harm, physical or emotional, and you can’t convince me otherwise when there are over 70 countries where my (and assumedly your) existence results in the death penalty…
As for the mental prison argument, that’s just life… You can’t live life with the expectations that things will go your way, and actively harm yourself with negative outlooks.
As someone who essentially does the same thing you mentioned about being open to select individuals in my circle, your view is kind of astounding.
I do mask, and so do many people, who are probably happier for it.
I would live in a prison of anguish if I was openly gay and every stare at work or in public could mean judgement or something derogatory.
As someone who has masked both neurodivergence and sexuality, it’s not worth it. It will be challenging to navigate our biased and unaccommodating world, but the challenges pale in comparison to true happiness. Happiness is always fleeting, so seeking a negative peace pretending to be something you’re not is a fool’s errand. Hiding yourself will only ever lead to pain and mental anguish.
no one is obligated to follow my advice. OP wanted advice, and my advice from lived experience of over 20 years of masking is that it isn’t worth it.
What’s masking it though. I mean most people don’t talk about their sexuality.
I’m ace, and have hidden it from partners. Needless to say it’s destroyed relationships.
I get your point is that you’ve learned not to do it, but yeah that idea is terrible from start to finish. I’m sorry you had to go through it either way
There’s something in data science that you learn at the very beginning, which is that you can’t observe the counterfactual.
That means you can’t base your data on the possibility of what would have happened had you chosen differently.
What you’re doing is assuming that your (and other people’s) lives would have been better had they been open about their sexuality.
I don’t know where you live, but there is no country with a 0% chance of being assaulted/discriminated against for being LGBT+.
So your assumption that things would have been better is a misguided nostalgia at best, fallaciously wrong at worst.
Edit: gotta love the Reddit brainless downvote bandwagon that’s going on. Nice hive mind.
I’m aware of all of this, and have not discounted it. I’ve been harmed by the expectation of neurotypical behavior, regardless of whether I mask. I’ve been harmed by het expectations, regardless of masking. I pick and choose who I’m open with about these things within my personal life, but I don’t hide it. You’re making an assumption as well, that masking will prevent harm. There’s a reason why I specifically said that it will lead to anguish, and that’s because it’s not a shelter. It creates a mental prison that will lead to a feeling of isolation.
Masking will prevent harm that directly coincides with who you are. It creates a defensive layer.
The het expectations are nowhere near as bad as the risk of harm, physical or emotional, and you can’t convince me otherwise when there are over 70 countries where my (and assumedly your) existence results in the death penalty…
As for the mental prison argument, that’s just life… You can’t live life with the expectations that things will go your way, and actively harm yourself with negative outlooks.
As someone who essentially does the same thing you mentioned about being open to select individuals in my circle, your view is kind of astounding.
I do mask, and so do many people, who are probably happier for it.
I would live in a prison of anguish if I was openly gay and every stare at work or in public could mean judgement or something derogatory.