I’ve pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can’t stay on my current trajectory. It’s already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I’m tired of dating on hard mode. I’m worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who’s been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I’m really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
Sometimes 8 - 12 hours a day, multiple days in a row. I have no interest in sex at all and yes, that obviously affects my relationships as well as other duties.
Sorry to say, but I think you know already, but at this point it sounds like classic addiction behaviour. Similar to alcoholism, gambling, gaming addiction…
I suggest you look up resources on how to beat addiction in general. And don’t forget, anyone can fall into a trap like this, you are not weak for having a relapse, you are strong for trying again.