I’m a 27 year old single mother and I have a 12 year old son. Recently he’s been knocking on my door in the middle of the night because he can’t sleep and he asks to sleep with me. I’ve been letting him since neither of us really have a problem with it and it’s kind of nice not having to sleep alone every night. However, I’ve heard and seen some things online that seem controversial about co-sleeping with a child past a certain age. I definitely don’t want to negatively affect his development, so I guess what are your thoughts?
I’ll just put this out there: Would it feel less weird to you if it was your daughter?
Anecdotally, I had a friend who crawled up to cosleep with her single mom even as a teenager and student sometimes. Especially when she wasn’t doing well. Being a family of 2 brings you very close together, and also unfortunately, makes you the only super close person in their lives. She liked to cuddle up with friends too occasionally. It never seemed off or weird.
She might be hypersensitive (although this is not a recognized diagnosis), but otherwise, she is developmentally (and sexually) absolutely standard. She’s 33 now and does very well in life and with her boyfriend.
What I mean by that is that it might seem more unconventional to cosleep with someone of the opposite sex who is starting puberty. Being a girl, having a girl friend, and this girl friend liking to sleep with me, another friend, or her mom as company was never weird. All other friends also thought that’s fine. I think that’s that girl privilege where we are more comfortable with closeness. So, if you felt weird if it was your daughter too, it might just not be for you (although you mentioned you slept better). If it’s about the gender (some subconscious bias), it’s still your child. Just your child.
Last but not least, there are more than enough people around the world who share a room or even a bed with family members until a bigger age. A friend of mine coslept with 8 silblings since there was just no room. Especially with a voluntary cosleeping situation, I would rather try to focus on the benefits it gives you two - closeness, connection, a feeling of safety, and knowing you’re there for each other. Also through changes in life.