“Drinking water backwards.” And no, I’m not talking about an enema.

Say you have the hiccups.

Get half a glass of water. Bend over at your waist like you’re about to pick something up off the floor. While bent over, rest the glass against your upper lip and drink the water.

Poof Hiccups gone instantly. I know it sounds insane but it works.

That is absolutely glorious.

Nobody said it wasn’t.

Scratch the beer and the vape, add a single malt scotch, and take my money.

Honestly, you knew it was a child’s birthday party and yet you didn’t bring enough to share? That was pretty inconsiderate.

Highly location dependent. We have useable cell service in our house but Internet over 5G is slow.

Corporate America over here committing piracy en masse.

In my neighborhood you get a choice between coax or nothing.

Well there’s a perfectly logical reason for that. The right’s main issue with Obama is that he has the fucking audacity to be black.

Best I can do is a golden goat.

Best: My wedding. It was low-key and beautiful. The only thing I should have done differently was hire a photographer because the family members who were taking pictures did a shit job.

I’m honestly hesitant to answer the next part. I will with the disclaimer that it contains references to sexual violence. If that’s uncomfortable for you, please accept my apologies and read no further.

Worst: My brother in laws wedding. The ceremony was fine. After that, we stood there for a bit talking to my wife’s dad and step mom. Her dad basically admitted to mollesting one of my wife’s cousins when she was a teenager. He didn’t phrase it as an admission. He said she “accused him” of getting her drunk and assaulting her. And then he laughed it off saying that he couldn’t imagine why anyone would accuse him of something like that.

My poor wife stood there the entire time, speechless; gripping my arm like a vice. We excused ourselves and went back to the car. She cried the entire way to the hotel. One of the few times I’ve ever seen her do that. She said she thought he had only assaulted her. She never imagined he would do that to other girls, otherwise she would have said something.

It took every ounce of restraint in me to keep from knocking his teeth out while he was telling that bullshit story because I knew he had done it but I also knew my wife wouldn’t like it if I made a scene.

The lesson I took away from that experience, one that I try to carefully convey to my kids, is that if you are a victim of sexual assault, please, please, please tell someone. You may not be the first. But you most likely won’t be the last. I know it’s hard. I know it’s painful. I know you wish it had never happened. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame my wife for not telling anyone because I know how painful it was for her.

But here’s the thing. You can’t erase the past. But you might be able to make sure you’re the last victim, if you can find the courage within yourself to speak up.

Ok, @[email protected]. Chief propagator of moth memes. 😏

But seriously, it’s a naive person who doesn’t understand that every single day, somewhere in the world, the most horrible shit you can imagine is going down at any given moment. That’s just a fact. Our job is to help when we can and deal with it when we can’t. One of the way we have or dealing with it when we can’t is through humor and there’s not a damned thing wrong with that.

Dehydrate them. Dehydrated fruit makes for tasty and healthy snacks.

High school/college grads during the great recession:

“First time?”

“The Arsonist in the Office” by Pete Havel

Helped me recognize that the incredibly toxic job I was in was not sustainable.

“It’s Your Ship” by D. Michael Abrashoff

Excellent book on leadership. Should be required reading for anyone who manages people.

“Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie

Most people probably have no idea what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder. It can be absolute hell. It certainly was for me. This book provided some good insights but also helped me feel less alone.

There are other books but those are three big ones for me.

Second this but wanted to add that a remotely mounted fan (one that’s connected to the intake vent through a duct rather than being mounted directly in the ceiling) significantly improves the experience because it cuts down on the noise and minimizes heat losses in winter.

We have a gable mounted attic fan that draws air through the house. 5000 cfm makes for a nice breeze.

My wife can spend all day in the sun and turn a nice shade of brown.

Not me. There is no “tan” for me. It’s either pasty white or lobster with no middle ground whatsoever.

A lesson I learned a long time ago is "never trust a person with a ‘Jesus fish’ on their business card. "

I say that as a regular church attender. People who feel the need advertise their religion as a means to make money are almost never sincere about their “beliefs.”

Art Vandelay.