So every hundred years or so.

My sister literally tried the first one in high school. She lay in wait, probably for hours, on the country road she knew the guy she fancied lived down. Once she saw him in the distance she dropped her bicycle so it lay across the road and hobbled around for a bit until he got there.

I can’t say it worked. He stopped, helped her get her bike up off the road, then went on his way.

Toad The Wet Sprocket, of course!

"Rex Stardust, lead electric triangle with Toad The Wet Sprocket, has had to have an elbow removed following their recent successful worldwide tour of Finland. Flamboyant, ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off the back of a motorcycle. “Fell off the back of a motorcyclist, most likely,” quipped ace drummer Jumbo McClooney on hearing of the accident. Plans are already afoot for a major tour of Iceland.

"Divorced after only eight minutes, popular television singing star Charisma changed her mind on the way out of the registry office, when she realised she’d married one of the Donkeys by mistake. The evening before, in LA’s glittering night spot The Abbatoir, she’d proposed to drummer Reg Abbott of Blind Drunk, after a whirlwind romance and a knee-trembler. But when the hangover lifted, it was Keith Sly of the Donkeys who was on her arm in the registry office. Keith, who was too ill to notice, remained unsteady during the short ceremony and, when asked to exchange vows, began to recite names and addresses of people who also used the stuff. Charisma spotted the error as Keith was being carried into the wedding ambulance, and became emotionally upset. However, the mistake was soon cleared up, and she stayed long enough to consummate their divorce.

“Dead Monkeys are to split up again, according to their manager Lefty Goldblatt. They’ve been in the business now ten years, nine as other groups. Originally the Dead Salmon, they became, for a while, Trout, then Fried Trout, then Poached Trout In A White Wine Sauce, and finally, Herring. Splitting up for nearly a month, they reformed as Red Herring, which became Dead Herring for a while, and then Dead Loss, which reflected the current state of the group. Splitting up again to get their heads together, they reformed a fortnight later as Heads Together, a tight little name which lasted them through a difficult period when their drummer was suspected of suffering from death. It turned out to be only a rumour, and they became Dead Together, then Dead Gear, which led to Dead Donkeys, Lead Donkeys, and the inevitable splitup. After nearly ten days, they reformed again as Sole Meunière, then Dead Sole, Rock Cod, Turbot, Haddock, White Bait, the Plaices, Fish, Bream, Mackerel, Salmon, Poached Salmon, Poached Salmon in a White Wine Sauce, Salmon Meunière, and Helen Shapiro. This last name, their favourite, had to be dropped following an injunction, and they split up again. When they reformed after a record-breaking two days, they ditched the fishy references and became Dead Monkeys, a name which they stuck with for the rest of their careers. Now, a fortnight later, they’ve finally split up.”

- Monty Python

TPS report cover sheet.

So no one knows I’m here? I’d head upstairs to a bedroom and sleep for 24 hours without the kids bothering me.

A free trial automatically rolling into a paid subscription.

It’s shits and giggles all the way down, my friend!

A spork, man, a spork.

I grew up in the Borders, so lowlander! Now living in England and occassionally ordering meat pies and tattie scones through the post!

I had my last kid when I was 48. It’s great! My knees and back are slowly seizing up and he can pick things up off the floor for me while I get things down from high shelves for him.

TL;DR: Pretty much everyone involved in the war was left with a country made of rubble and ashes in varying degrees…

… and massive, massive financial debt to the US. America’s assistance during the war wasn’t free, it came with repayment terms which (in the UK’s case at least) crippled economies to America’s benefit.

Plain comfort food would usually be something like home made chicken fried rice. That bland, carb, hug with a bit of umami to lift it.

That or any nostalgic food. Stuff my mum used to cook when we were kids (but not some of the stuff we had because it was the 70s!). Like fried egg and chips. We were pretty poor at that stage but two eggs and one large potato per kid was affordable. Cheap and tasty. But my mum was a pretty great cook so she also used to do curries and goulash and paprikash and fish pie and steak and kidney pudding… any these, if cooked just the way she cooked them, are comforting to me.

Mince and tatties? Whereabouts in Scotland are you from, pal?

Too many.

An Islay single malt whisky, fresh coffee, slow cooking onions and garlic, searing steak, grilled lamb, fish and chips with loads of salt and vinegar… hmm, lots of these are food related. Someone else said petrichor and I’m down with that too. Oh, and Twanquility’s wife, of course.

I’ve done some putting, and crazy golf with the kids, but that’s still playing, not watching.

Golf. I guess that people who play golf probably find it really interesting but for a non-golfer it’s pure tedium.

Is it the green wire or the red wire? Oopsie!

I know what you’re thinking. Did he 'splode six bombs or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a Tsar Bomba AN602, the most powerful bomb in the world, and would blow your nuts clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?”

I’m not even supposed to be here today!

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except for muscle wasting diseases. But this, this’ll definitely kill you.

Revenge is a dish best served cold and I’m coming for you like a bowl of gazpacho soup!

I’m your huckleberry pie.

Vinage 501s so I button my button first then button my zipper.

I think mine’s drowning, not shrugging.

¯\(ツ)/¯

You need to double up the \