Avoid talking to them!
They might make sense, and we haven’t finished indoctrinating you!
They call me godless when they use Comic Sans top to bottom.
I love comic sans.
Name another font that can start a small officeplace insurrection just being used to announce cupcakes in the fridge. I love watching people catch fire over a cupcake announcement.
Hey you sure seem grumpy. Are you atheist?
witnessing techniques
I’m not even gonna ask.
It’s their word for “proselytizing”
Holy shit. I can’t believe I recognize this art.
This shit is ancient, and it was drawn as satire/bait. Nobody is handing out these flyers seriously. This post is rather embarrassing. Satire is dead I guess.
Edit: sources:
Source for text: scroll for text. I don’t know where the goat went. This website is a high-effort satire page that hasn’t been updated since like 2010. Looks real at first glance but just click around, it’s clearly not a real church.
This site may be satire, but it’s also linking to the southern baptist’s on the off chance you want to “find christ”. So, they’re definitely Christians. if it is satire, then it’s triggering poe’s law.
So I followed your link, found the quoted text, and and had a look around the website. I genuinely cannot tell if this is satire. Most of the links are now dead, but the ones that work seem to lead to serious sources. If it is satire, it is very high effort.
Anyway, I’m going to share with a friend who has more personal experience with this kind of thing and get their perspective.
It’s very well written satire. As someone who’s previously been part of evangelical house churches I can tell it’s been written by someone who was part of church life for years.
It’s so very well done I wasn’t sure myself of it was real or not. Believe it or not I’ve known many genuine Christians who could crank out earnest content that was this cheesy and insane.
The clincher for me if that it neither asks for money nor gives an address. => Satire
(On the kids ministry page, the music track listings are particular genius)
So quick update: my friend who was homeschooled in a religious household but is now atheist thinks it is not satire. My take is that if this is satire, it’s going over a lot of people’s heads.
Well, there’s this…
…but honestly, I could see somebody sufficiently naive not recognizing that for what it is.
This one, however, is a bit less covert:
And then you recall reading this in the intro on the first page, and a pattern starts to develop:
My OBJECTIVE is JUST 4 KIDZ! The “Z” is for “ZEALOUSNESS,” 'cause Jesus wants us to be hot for Him, not lukewarm.
You cannot attempt to battle an atheist unless you’re a level 10 Christian with at least a max level crucifix.
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Very advanced witnessing techniques are required, such as compromat or threat of hanging.
I don’t believe in a higher power. That’s why I’m so fucking grumpy. It’s certainly not because we can’t have healthcare. It’s not because of a genocide. It’s not because workers are exploited. Not because our planet is destroyed. No, it’s all because I don’t believe in a cloud man.
Witness to me and I’ll gore you with my horns. Bah.
Avoid talking to them
Yes please
I love tricking people into neglecting god’s word.
