Also, she doesn’t say what our most extreme ideas are.

If I were to try to define the most extreme positions held by any in our community (in regards to trans issues), they might be:

1. Bathroom access based on identity only. Very few people are actually like this. But some folks would say that all that is needed to switch bathrooms is identifying as a different gender. So it’s perfectly acceptable for a person dressed in male clothing, with a beard, using a deep voice, etc. to use the women’s restroom as long as they identify as female. Very few trans folks would be caught dead doing that. Most recognize that there is a certain give and take, a negotiation of social spaces. I imagine most would say you shouldn’t have to pass in order to use the bathroom, but most would recognize that it’s going to cause a ton of unnecessary friction and hate if someone fully masculine-presenting uses the women’s restroom. I don’t think people who can’t pass should be banished from the bathroom that matches their identity. But I myself would be very uncomfortable sharing the women’s restroom with an entirely masculine-presenting person, trans or not.

2. Unrealistic/impractical pronoun expectations. Some folks confuse “gender is a social construct” with “nothing is real and nothing matters.” Pronouns are a social construct. That doesn’t mean they mean nothing; it means they have socially constructed definitions. If I invent a new pronoun tomorrow and start demanding others call me it, that isn’t a social construction. That’s just something I invented and am now imposing on others without their participation or consent. In order to socially construct something, there must be a meeting of the minds, a shared milieu of understanding. A pronoun, if you expect people to actually use it, can’t be something you just invented. It has to be something negotiated among a large number of people. This is why the pronouns people tend to actually use are he, she, and they. Most others get little use beyond extremely online teenagers. Pronouns are meant to be shorthand for characteristics of your identity. If your pronoun is so unique that no one has any idea what the hell it means, you’re not using a pronoun, you’re just using a nickname.

3. Sports based purely on identity with no qualifiers. I support trans women playing on women’s teams and trans men playing on men’s teams. But that’s not just because of identity, but because I recognize that the science says that trans women don’t have any advantages after a few years on HRT. I wouldn’t however support trans women who still have male testosterone levels competing on women’s teams. That’s just about basic fairness. But, some would say that it’s just sports, and that respect for identity matters more than athletic fairness, and that no one should have to seek out medical treatment they may not otherwise want. Fair enough, but I would disagree.

Still, these are extremes. The vast, vast majority of trans people wouldn’t switch bathrooms before at least changing their presentation, use pronouns they can actually expect other people to use, and wouldn’t expect to switch sports teams without altering their own hormones. If TERFs really were interested in compromise, these are the issues we could compromise on. So maybe we restrict bathrooms based on legal identity, but in turn we make it really easy to change your legal identity, say up to once per year. And we have clear social expectations about the rules of bathrooms. So it’s OK if you don’t fully pass, but you shouldn’t be rocking a beard in the women’s restroom. Or, we come to a compromise on pronouns. You can have your close friends call you whatever you want, but the only pronouns you should expect others to recognize are the broad and generic he, she, and they. We compromise by, for example, making it workplace harassment to not respect someone’s pronouns. But in turn we trans people also don’t demand that people learn hundreds of new pronouns or start referring to human beings as inanimate objects. Or, we regulate sports, but we don’t try to ban trans people from sports all together. We follow the science that says trans women have no advantage after a few years on E. You can’t change your teams based purely on self-ID, but we do give trans men and women a clear and open path to participate fully and equally in athletics.

If TERFs and other conservatives really were just looking for a reasonable compromise, these are the types of issues we could compromise on. But, as the post notes, you give these bastards an inch and they’ll take a mile.