Ehhhh, I think you screwed up by over explaining. The point you’re endlessly actually asking about makes sense, and it’s a valid discussion to have, but it’s buried when you’re trying to ask something. There’s a limit in the human brain to how much information you can track in a question before you start losing parts. There’s one for raw information as well, but it’s bigger and easier to bypass. I hope, because this is going to be a long response.

The reason that “super straight” is offensive is because it implies that attraction to a trans person isn’t heterosexual when the expressed gender would make the attraction hetero. By the very fact that “super” is used as the modifier, it implies better as well. And that’s just bullshit, which I think you pretty much said despite it being buried.

If you have some need to draw a distinction between heterosexuality that includes trans partners, it’s inherently trans exclusionary. There’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to trans people, it’s when the implication is that there’s a difference between heterosexuals that do and haven’t experienced that attraction that you run into the wall.

However, for the purposes of discussing the matter, I think either cis-exclusive hetero or trans-exclusionary hetero would be the most effective terms cis-exclusive would mean that your attraction is limited to cis people, with no rejection of transness in that you would be expressing it as attraction first. Trans,exclusionary would be for those that reject transness ideologically or for reasons other than raw attraction.

Now, I think it important to note that a lack of attraction by itself doesn’t mean anything else. It isn’t some kind of glaring proof of bigotry. The way humans form attraction leads to the unfamiliar having a greater weight in what base attractions factor in. As an example, not being attracted to white people doesn’t mean you’re a bigot, it just means that the collective set of characteristics of white people doesn’t match your inner “template”.

Now, that template may well have been formed because of bigotry, be it internal or external, but it isn’t the proof of the pudding. Just by virtue of growing up with little or no exposure to other physical traits than your own ethnicity can cause your template to be limited to those that look most like what you’re used to. The unfamiliar is, on a primitive level, a questionable source for mates.

It’s how people handle their templates that matters, not that they have them. If I say “white women are ugly”, that’s shitty, and a form of bigotry. If I say “I’ve never met a white woman that I’ve been attracted to”, that’s a statement of fact (well, not for me personally, this is an example, not a statement of my own preferences). Now, I could be saying it politely and still be a bigot, but saying it isn’t proof of bigotry.

This applies to trans people too. Acknowledging that you’ve never felt attraction to a trans person is a statement. Saying that they’re ugly is shitty, and is probably bigotry, depending on the reasoning. Saying they aren’t women/men is bigotry.

So, the why matters more than actual terminology, which means that more options in terminology are helpful when discussing the matter in general. The two I suggested are already what I use in my head when thinking about the subject of attraction as a whole, and how transness factors into the individual “templates”.

Now, as a personal example, I don’t have many limits in terms of what kind of women I feel attraction to. Race has never factored in at all. The range of physical features I feel attraction to is very broad, and tends to be more about details than categories (like noses; size doesn’t factor in, proportions do). As such, I can’t ever say I wouldn’t be attracted to a trans woman. I can, however, say that I would never be attracted to a trans man because I’ve never been attracted to a man. Tbh, I’ve never experienced attraction to anyone that strongly presented as male, even when I knew they were women. My inner template has an edge in the androgynous range of features and traits, and once it crosses into a perception of a person being a man/male, attraction goes away.

I included that as a comparison, because what/who I personally feel attraction to isn’t the same as examples used. For the same reason, I specifically have experienced attraction to trans women, but never in a circumstance where it mattered. Thus, I don’t fit either the cis-exclusive or trans-exclusionary labels, to the best of my self awareness.

Now, I get it. Trans identity is only fairly recently in general awareness. It’s been in my lifetime that it went from being something even most bigots didn’t really know existed (and they look for people to hate because that’s their fetish, hate) to being something that’s a topic of common discussion. So there’s going to be people that just don’t know enough to matter still talking about the subject. Ignorance isn’t the same as hate, though they sometimes wear the same hat. That’s where some if the things you talked about (l.e. “secretly gay”) come from. They just don’t get it.

That’s why I agree that the term “super” straight/gay is bullshit and needs to go away. But there is room for terminology to indicate the layers of attraction in conversation, as long as people aren’t being dicks about it

Yup, que

Doesn’t have to be all at once, or even immediate. It’s a process. Reunions, alumni activities, that kind of thing are going to give you the start. You run into someone that knows someone, you ask if they’ll help you make contact.

Nah, to be a large nose, it has to be out of proportion to the rest of the head, and his isn’t.

Well, whether or not it makes you a bad person now is up to you.

Regret, shame, they’re a great start, but they’re not enough to make you a good person.

Number one is taking steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Yeah, some of that is fixed by getting older and developing more. But not all of it. The proclivity to follow others alone is something you have to root out of yourself.

But a big factor is what you do with what already happened. Have you tried to make amends? Not everyone will want to deal with you again, and even those that will give you a chance might not accept any apologies. And you have to accept that, because an apology to make yourself feel better isn’t an apology, it’s a continuation of your abuse to others.

You fucked with people, now you gotta make it right.

I love the typo because it covers so many things at once

Queue as in they’re lining up to do it; cue, as in that’s their cue to be stupid; and que (spanish for what) as in what the fuck are they thinking?

Right this very second, my chicken preening herself next to me, occasionally pausing to make sure I see her preening herself so that I continue to sweetly praise her

I mean, I asked, I didn’t call, then I said if

There really is a difference

Legit question, but that’s a no for me.

While it’s partly that it’s not really useful, and makes other features a better priority, it’s also partly because it would make people that think influencer is a valid job title plague lemmy.

Neither of those is worth casual curiosity

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You aren’t going to get many genuine answers, I suspect. Not because of stupidity or it being obvious, because I don’t think it’s either.

It’s because lemmy isn’t secure forum. Too easy for things to be found and any responses are used to get rid of. So any stupidity would come from giving anything other than a fake “I follow all laws, but object to X laws”.

Which, I follow all relevant laws, even when I object to them.

However, I have my own moral code, and would adhere to that regardless of whether or not there were laws perfectly aligned with them. It does not match the majority, except in the broad issues, but it isn’t so far off as to be incompatible either.

Most of my personal code is derived eternally at the end, but some parts were discovered externally. In other words, when running into a moral or ethical rule, I examine it and internalize it if it fits my needs, reject it if it doesn’t. Some bits and pieces are purely internally derived in origin, as they stemmed from experience in childhood before I encountered external sources regarding those matters.

Thing is, my personal morals aren’t necessarily something I expect others to follow just because I believe something is morally right/wrong. That’s part of my code; that until someone else’s code interferes with mine, or someone else’s, life, IDGAF, it’s their business. When it isn’t my life being interfered with, my code doesn’t automatically decree that I need to do anything about it, but it does allow for intervening when the situation makes it useful, necessary, or just desirable.

I’ll use shoplifting as an example. If I see someone stealing from a chain store like walmart, I didn’t see them. If I see someone lifting from a small shop that’s locally owned, my code gives me options ranging from informing them they’ve been seen and need to leave, all the way up to beating their ass if I feel that is the appropriate response to the specific situation. However, it also allows me to ignore it if I feel that’s more appropriate.

See? Not like the majority, but it’s not so far off as to be unrecognizable.

Part of that is that I firmly believe that all ethics are situational (and they are), and that morals can be situational as well. There are very few things I believe in so strongly on a moral level that there’s no room for them to bend when unusual circumstances occur.

Pretty much the only thing I’m fully, 100% unbending on is bigotry. Won’t put up with it, won’t tolerate it. That being said, I’m still aware that what is and isn’t bigotry isn’t perfectly defined. There’s blurring at the edges, specific cases where what seems like bigotry may be a language barrier, or a cultural barrier. And that, unfortunately, some of those edge cases aren’t even universally decided on by the targets if various forms of bigotry. So I can only rely on my own sense of right and wrong when it isn’t clear cut.

That means that when I encounter an unusual situation, I’m more likely to seek clarification before jumping in, and that I’m more likely to jump in by explaining why what they’re saying/doing is a problem, even if they aren’t being a bigot intentionally.

You see alllll that rambling? That’s the kind of shit that I do in my head any time I run into a new moral dilemma, or discover a need to reevaluate an old belief. Which can be pretty fucking often. I don’t like to let my code sit unexamined for long, so I poke and prod at it when a specific subject comes up, even if it’s nothing I need to do anything about. You run into that a lot online.

No worries, you aren’t required to have perfect English :)

I guarantee your English is better than anything else I speak.

Your question is pretty jumbled up, and it’s difficult to tell exactly what happened. So I’m going to ignore that and stay general

Ableism isn’t necessarily the same thing as disliking something. As an example, my crippled ass uses a cane. It isn’t if the sound of the cane on pavement bothers you. You may have sensory issues, or a headache, or just not like tapping sounds.

Ablism would be seeing me using the cane and making assumptions based on it.

Being an asshole would be making fun of me for using a cane, whether or not it was also because of ableism where you make assumptions and act with prejudice towards me.

Erratic behavior can be, and usually is disturbing. It draws the eyes, it makes you notice the person. It is perfectly okay to not like that feeling, or to avoid it, even when that behavior is from a disability. It is not okay to treat the person poorly in any way when it’s you that has a problem dealing with something someone can’t help.

That’s when it turns into ablism, when the way you treat the disabled person is different than how you would treat someone without that disability.

However, you are not obligated to stay around a person that is behaving erratically. Doesn’t matter why they are, you have every right to walk the fuck away, and it isn’t a bad thing to do so, as long as doing so doesn’t put then in danger. It is a bad thing to walk away while grumbling about the gods damn noisy cripple, or the crazy Tourette’s tics, or the stimming, or whatever might be making you nervous. You can’t tell why a person is erratic just by looking. But you don’t have to treat anyone poorly.

Also, when you’re the one that dislikes something like that, it’s on you to leave a public space so long as they aren’t being dangerous to themselves or others. Insisting that the person with cerebral palsy fuck off back home is ablist, and being an asshole.

In general, we are all free to like or dislike anything. It’s how we treat people that matters. You could be the biggest bigot in the world, but if you keep it to yourself and never treat anyone poorly, it doesn’t matter.

Now, what is and isn’t actually erratic is not something clearly defined. It just means that they’re behaving in a way that deviates from the norm rendering their behavior unpredictable; and the norm can be pretty fucking dumb sometimes. As an example, someone laughing is not always appropriate, but it isn’t erratic by default, but some people think laughter in public isn’t acceptable, and that they can’t trust people that would behave in such a way. So, that laughter may deviate from the norm, and seem erratic to some people, but seem perfectly normal and happy to others.

But you have to always remember that you don’t automatically have the baseline if what is and isn’t acceptable just because you don’t like it. There’s times you will, but it isn’t automatic, particularly when you’re in public or in shared spaces.

I never understood that.

Why the fuck would you want to talk to the teacher? I mean, yeah, some folks do, but as a general rule of school, students don’t want to spend any more time around teachers than absolutely necessary. I don’t think that’s a wise choice, but it’s the default.

So, of course you want to ask a friend, or even a neutral fellow student instead. Number one, the teacher requires an extra trip to wherever the teacher is, your friend is right there. Even if you’re in the class, the teacher is waaaaaay up there at the desk or board, or whatever.

However, if you ask it a lot and it isn’t because you missed class, they may have a point. Because, damn dude, pay attention when the teacher is assigning the work.

Well, it’s my opinion that religion/spirituality is nice, but unnecessary. It’s a thing that can have benefits, sure. But it’s also something that’s got drawbacks. Since there can’t be proof that any given one is correct, nor that it isn’t tbh, it’s essentially a matter of deciding if you want to hang your hat on one at all.

I get that you’re seeking a sense of comfort, I didn’t miss that part. But it may end up where you don’t actually need it. See, you don’t need a system to have individual beliefs about the afterlife.

We can freely believe that there is something more to us than flesh and bone. Call it a soul if you want, or call it anything else at all. But if you believe it exists, then believing that the soul leaving the body is going to free it of the worries and woes of life is just the natural follow-up belief. You can even phrase it in pseudoscientific terminology if that works for you, and it actually does for some people.

But, if you need religion for your own sake, I would definitely go looking into things like universal unitarian churches. They stay as dogma neutral as it gets, are almost always queer friendly (and by the basis of the official organization are supposed to be because they reject nobody).

Buddhism can be a fairly nice choice, but you do run into the difficulties of which branch is actually in your area, and they aren’t all the same. Taoism can work because it’s pretty damn generalized to begin with; but there’s less “church” to it, where the community is a major part of things. Wicca and neopaganism are usually queer friendly, and a hell of a lot of fun,; though finding a group can be tricky since there’s a hundred flavors available and they aren’t all available everywhere since it’s a small genre of religion compared to anything else.

My take though? You’d be best served by connecting with your local LGBTQ+ community first, and then exploring any religious/spirituality options as you go. Having that kind of directly personal community to be part of is way more in an impact in quality of life than a generic one like a church. But it does take more effort because there’s no central “queer church” kind of thing where everyone is going to be there. It would be support groups, activist groups, queer specific hobby groups, and then you interact with that network to find queer friendly spaces in other areas of life if you don’t find fulfillment in the LGBTQ community itself.

I don’t think anyone out here can really know what you need. I sure can’t promise that my suggestion is going to be right for you. All I can say is that for the LGBTQ people in my life, they generally find more peace through community first, religion as a secondary or tertiary goal. And that’s usually most successful when they engage in queer spaces actively, being a part of supporting others.

But, shit, you ain’t gotta decide any time soon. Just on lemmy, there’s witchesvspatriarchy communities, Buddhism ones, and others. Run searches on whatever you want to look into, scroll through the communities that you find, see if the general vibe works for you and ask questions, engage with people. You get to “dabble” with low risk, and high rewards while you figure things out in meat space.

There’s multiple “ask” communities. This one, there’s [email protected], there’s a no stupid questions community ( though I can’t recall the instance offhand. It’s probably .world, what with it being big). Most of them are going to be fairly reliable for getting general questions like this one answered, and some of them do well with specific questions as well, when you run across concepts to explore. But just searching “ask” will pull up some.

I think the core point is that there’s a nigh infinite number of paths you can take to find what you need, you don’t have worry much about just finding one. You can always just hop to a different one

I mean, why are you so gung ho to earn money for someone else?

Seriously. Shit on company time, party on personal. “Getting to the point” is only relevant if the job won’t get done at all if it isn’t done now. Relax, hang back, do the job at a sustainable pace. You’ll have a longer and happier career that way

The rest of it? That ain’t about age, that’s about people. No matter where you work, there’s always gossipers and hidebound co-worker of any age. You wanna talk about folks that won’t try things? Run across a brand-spanking new out of school nurse. Those folks won’t budge on anything sometimes. Mostly because they’re terrified, and they think that if they stick to exactly what they learned in class, anything that does go wrong won’t be their fault, but still.

If you want to avoid that part, it’s easy. Just chill, be open to listening to others, whether they’re fresh out of school or fifty year veterans coasting to retirement. There’s almost always something you can learn from anyone, as long as you make the effort to look for it. Which is also how you avoid burnouts.

You gotta realize, most people spend a third of their lives at some job doing shit that they only do because they get paid to. The rest spend a third of their lives at some job doing shit they want to do, but also have to do because they need to get paid. Everyone has to find the balance between the raw fact that they’re stuck there, even if that’s their choice. Very few people can just say “fuck it” and go live off the land somewhere, you dig? So they find the path to making work work as much as possible. They find ways to make it bearable.

So, you gotta learn how to adapt to that, or you’ll be that miserable bastard that’s always in his office glaring and grumbling about everyone, tense as fuck and never invited to fun shit.

It’s always going to be partially about getting along with people, no matter what the job is, where it is, how old you get. It can be a matter of degrees, like a park ranger may deal with people less frequently if they’re waaaaay out in the boonies, but your typical office job where erasers and paper are a main component? You ain’t escaping people, ever. They’ll be there every day, just like you. So you either find a way to appreciate them to some degree as they are, or you’ll just be miserable.

And, that process is exactly how you don’t fall into those same traps they do. As you figure out how to get along with weirdos and idiots, you learn how to not be like them.

I’m in either camp by default, but I’ll gladly use either if around other people that do

Once you start asking for money, you run into risk. Most of the time, publishers and other rights holders don’t mess with fanfic, but when they do, it’s almost always because someone made that mistake.

Tbh, it doesn’t even matter how much you lift in that regard. You could win the resulting lawsuit over your mouse with gloves named Brickey, but you’ve still had the hassles, and you can’t predict with full certainly which IP holders are going to be aggressive like that.

Most likely, they’d cease and desist you first, but that’s not a guarantee.

I’d just leave it as being for your kids, and if you want to share it, don’t even ask for money at all.

Kinda

The problem is that you have to either divest identifiable parts of the original, and do so in a way that’s so severe it essentially becomes something other than fanfic; or you have to be doing custom writing on commission.

You aren’t going to get many commissions for standard fanfic though, so I hope you’re good at erotica.

Sadly, the market for that collapsed hard about fifteen years ago, and the prices dropped you insulting levels as well.

Regular fanfic, at best you’d get a trickle. Erotica, believe it or not, used to be a niche for not just fanfic, but in general for writers willing to do a one-off. The problem was/is that it’s a one time sale, no royalties. You do the job, hand it over, collect the final part of the pay, and that’s it.

Unlike regular fanfic, the erotica fanfic, you could charge serious bucks because it was a seller’s market.

Like, typically, if you’re getting 50 cents a word for your custom writing, you’re doing very well indeed. On average, you’re looking at under half that. But custom erotica? A dollar plus per word was not rare. At one point, I wouldn’t waste my time for anything under that, it just wasn’t worth my time, even if all they wanted was something quick and easy.

You get a request for something novella length, and you’re looking at some decent chunks of change, with the right customer. You gotta think, a novel can be maybe 50k words at the low end. Novellas are less than half that, but still over 15k words.

You have to back off on your per word rate with bigger stuff like that, but $10,000 for a decent length, multi chapter story happened back then. You get a customer that really likes your work, and you might get requests for that level of thing yearly, or twice a year, with requests for shorter work thrown in between. The car I have now, I bought off the sale of one of the longer pieces I did, but it wasn’t fanfic.

But nowadays? You aren’t getting that. Nowhere close. There’s too much free out there, even if the quality is lower than you’d get with someone that’s practiced at the craft. Last time I got a request, it would have come out to five cents a word, and that’s a fucking joke. Not worth the time and effort, even for a short story a few pages long.

You might be able to set up on patreon and get a trickle going though. I don’t personally know anyone making a living that way, but it apparently can be enough to be worth doing in your spare time, if you’d be writing anyway.

Probably tool making.

It would take time to get back into it, but I was turning out decent knives, spear points, and arrowheads for a while there. Nothing that would blow anyone’s mind as art, but pretty enough and usable.

One of those things I did just because I wanted to see if I could, and it turned out to be really relaxing and enjoyable. Arthritis took the enjoyable and relaxing part away, so I stopped, but on a survival level, I could get the job done well enough to make up for being a bottom tier hunter.