This woman is a nightmare, her name is Susan, and Susan recently started swallowing the supplies and we have to wait for her to poop them out if we want to use them. And as if that wasn’t bad enough she makes us talk her out for a walk whenever we want anything. Yesterday I took Susan for a walk and had to wait ten minutes for her to shit out a stapler.

You don’t need any of that nonsense. Real men insulate themselves with their feelings. As for electricity, I make that myself. They don’t call me the love dynamo for no reason.

Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.

50" inch screen, money green leather sofa

“Jared Leto is innocent until proven guilty, now excuse Jared Leto, Jared Leto has some teens to sext.”

I’m sure the spider tried

Yes, dad bought it for her after mom killed herself. It’s still in the box.

Calling it here, Costco is going to use the genetic information to create the perfect hot dog.

When I plowed through that kindergarten I didn’t get as much as a single dent. If that isn’t an endorsement, then I don’t know what is.

Replace all the customer facing employees with chimpanzees with webcams that say in sign language: read what’s on the website. Whenever someone calls in or opens a chat, they’re connected with a chimp. Be sure to also include a guide to ASL on the company website. I guarantee sales will go up

Or maybe double down: “I live in my car.”

Then you just give them a hug and tell them everything will be ok.

in the last season Aria kills that ice king guy while wearing Ed Sheeran’s face. She leaps from the trees, catches the king off guard and yells: “Nobody expects to be killed by Ed Sheeran!”

It would’ve been much better if Aria slit his throat moment he tried to reach for an instrument

Does she actually speak the language she’s learning?

You’re gonna cook up a crazy theory like that and not even mention big daddy capitalism?

edit: I was making a joke, it didn’t land right. I agree with you, I probably wouldn’t be on this website if I didn’t.

If we just turn everything into road then nobody will have anywhere to go. It’s the perfect solution

It’s wild deer, there might not actually be any but just the idea of them makes people drive in a less efficient manner. It doesn’t help that the deer are communist.

That’s a sub class, if you pick running then you’ll date a younger runner. If you pick Japan then you’ll date a young Japanese person etc.

I present to you the master orator and renowned pugilist philosopher Mike Tyson.