It sounds to me like you’re flourishing?? Like, I get that money is an impediment, but with your skills you are at least able to earn enough scratch to probably achieve a lot of this, especially if you can connect with the right folks.
Just don’t get trapped by big paycheques of private sector that are likely to come your way. They can rob you of your 2 to 3 best decades if you aren’t careful.
You sound like a real cool dude and if I knew you irl I would be mentally drafting up a plan to trick you into being my friend.
Truly no justice but what we make if a tottering pile of wet shit like this get blessed by our lord with such a meaty pair of nips.