I think we’re saying the same thing, I’m just adding an additional line:

Coping = short term numbing the pain. Survival Strategy/Crutch = long term numbing the pain. Healing = working through those feelings.

And in this framework, sure, some coping mechanisms are healthier than others, but since they’re all short-term only and allow you to move into the headspace to heal, they’re basically all valid and healthy for that purpose.

And most people will use some sort of crutch to get into that headspace.
Missing out on a promotion and drawing a painting right in your bosses office after receiving the message is as difficult and unrealistic as sitting down right there and then and meditating on that feeling. Most people will try to make it through the day with distraction, be it alcohol, work, sugar or all of them combined. Once people are home, then they will paint their picture, go for a walk, sit down and meditate, talk to a friend, whatever their healing strategy may be.

And people who continue with their coping strategy turn it into a crutch. And that is when it becomes unhealthy.

The main advantage of having this short-long term differentiation is preventing the shame of using something addictive and thus causing you to beat yourself up over it. But other than that distinction I agree with your points fully.

I was trying to get you to question the believe that lazyness is an evolutionary trait. Like the post you replied to said: Find the root cause of your lazyness.

Because it’s almost always not an evolutionary trait, it’s avoiding negative emotions. As you said: Doing dishes (bad) -> do nothing (good) But, with boredom, this would result in this: Doing dishes (bad) -> do nothing (good) -> boredom (bad)

Thus, we get negative emotions again. But we can avoid the final negative emotions by lying on the couch and spending energy looking at a screen. And our chain looks like this: Doing dishes (bad) -> looking at screen (good)

Because being bored is hard. If you want to see how hard it is, decide to just stare at a blank wall for the next 30min-1h instead and watch your brain fight this decision as hard as it can.

Thus saying “I’m lazy” and “being lazy is an evolutionary trait” results in “I can’t do anything about me being lazy”. And that is an easy way to avoid having to face and work through those negative emotions.

Cope?
Sugar, Video Games, Hobbies, Sport

Put in the work and heal from that on my own?
Allow and admit to myself that I have a long road ahead of me. Accept that I will fall back into resentment sometimes. There’s years of experience with resentment, but only a few minutes of trying to heal. And that it will be a lifelong fight that will only get easier, but will never be gone, like an addiction.

Listen to how it feels having those years of resentment in my past. Try to accept and feel that feeling. Try to ask myself to what and why I was reacting with resentment. And question every truth/fact and answer that comes up. And question if the question is the right question. Really trying to get to the core of the resentment. Was I always resentful? How did I discover resentment as an answer to whatever caused it? What was the first thing in my life I resented? What am I trying to protect? Is there a better way to deal with it?

There are many more questions that would need answering, but these should give you a good start. Not all of them will be immediately obvious. Some will have an answer at first, that doesn’t sit quite right. But your subconscious will use the available time during downtime (going for a walk (without music), going to bed, etc.) to eventually come up with the correct answer or question. But it will take time.

Agree on the healing (‘healthy coping’) is hard af part. Being able to look at a memory and admitting that it hurt (and still does), took years.

But while I don’t enjoy the healing in the moment, I feel much better afterwards, than if I would have just distracted myself. I even saw myself being less clumsy after a while cause my mind is less distracted with keeping down ‘bad’ memories.

But disagree on the existence of unhealthy coping.
If your leg gets mauled by an animal, the first thing you do is getting away, no matter how, be it crutch or crawling. Once you’re safe you can start letting your leg heal. Same thing with your mental health.
If you get hurt by loosing a friend or a breakup, you get yourself to safety, be it by distracting yourself or just sitting somewhere or crying or just playing strong. Once you’re able to live, then you need get to the healing/healthy coping.

The ‘unhealthy coping’ often feels less like a coping strategy, but like the way of life for someone who got his leg mauled and was either forced to continue as normal, never got to safety, or had to live with the animal and the constant mauling. They’re gonna have a lot of crutches, pathways and other weird behavior to work around the constantly broken leg(s). And someone who mentally never got to safety will have his addictions, detachments, depersonalization, etc.

But both will need to heal and let go of their respective survival strategies.

So then, which stimuli do you get and don’t get that make you lazy and, for example, stop you from doing the dishes?

If lazyness is an evolutionary trait to conserve energy, why do we get bored (pushing us to spend energy) once we do so?