Fuck off back to Xitter

Maybe Lesbian Agenda is a noteworthy band in the Beijing post-punk scene or something?

Crime has gentrified. Now a greater proportion of it happens in the Whitehouse.

“We don’t bite our friends”

Launching orphans into the sun sounds like a massive expenditure of energy for limited reward. Surely there must be more profitable ways of dealing with them?

If she accessed Instagram from the same home network (and IP address) as her main phone, the zuckerbots inferred that the two users were probably in the same household and knew each other/had similar interests.

You can have those in the fediverse on Pixelfed and Mastodon. The problem is that then the people you can follow are only middle-aged Linux/Star Trek nerds and the occasional organic farmer.

Beulah, Eggstone, Lacto-Ovo, Mid-State Orange, a lot of bands on a German label named Apricot Records

Octopi are intelligent, but they don’t live long enough to have the chance to learn enough and reach their full potential. If there’s ever a mutation that extends their longevity, humanity’s days are numbered.

Late-90s/early-00s-style lo-fi indiepop with glockenspiels/Casio keyboards (or similar cheapass-sounding synths with a nicely skronky/angular timbre) and the odd trumpet/brass section

And those who can’t teach, administrate

Mushrooms you can’t get high from by smoking are non-tokeable fungi.

I knew a cat who once fished some aluminium foil a steak had been grilled on out of the bin and dragged it to his water bowl.

Like Conservapedia, only made of slop

There was once someone who printed a roll of stickers with pictures of wood screws on them, and would put them over the hearts on “I ❤️ MY _” stickers.

Gotta find it, as Charon won’t let me on his ferry otherwise

Nice try, officer.

If it’s the actual Bavarian Illuminati, then they probably picked you as a credulous, deep-pocketed nobleman who can be pumped for membership dues in return for initiation to an endless ladder of degrees, each revealing profoundly esoteric secrets which don’t actually mean anything. If you’re one of a handful who show themselves to be sceptical and open-minded, perhaps Adam Weishaupt will take you aside and reveal that all that woo was just bullshit to part the rubes from their money, and the true mission of the Illuminati is to spread Enlightenment ideals, such as secularism and anti-monarchism, which the authorities take a very dim view of.

The problems will include mysterious coils of wire/parabolic reflectors/resonating cavities embedded in the foundations, presumably to help the Russians/Saudis/whoever spy on the situation bunker underneath.

That’s my emotional support floating skull of doom.